We just got back from Eddie Izzard's New York show at the Union Square Theater. It was awesome!!! Eddie was in a manly outfit of blazer, jean and goatee and when he first came out on stage there the audience went wild and there was so much cheering it looked like we might never let him get started.
It's late, so here a total stream on consciousness of everything we remembered from the show:
Evil ducks
Slaves in the bibli
Fly heaven and opening the window
Germans and their concentrated evil period
Plagues
Why there's no God or if there is, he's not listening (50000 people died of the plague between 1919 and 1930)
Elephants are made of squirrels and toasters
Xerxes is a good word for scrabble that you can't use and makes a nice segue to nothing
Eddie does a tiring mime and then calls Marcel Marceau to ask what was the most tiring mime he ever did. Tries in English and French, but there's no answer.
Hashashin, kit kat, ding dong of the doorbell, can you send Kev out?
Bees and bears are near each other in the dictionary
Hannibal and alps on elephants in Latin. So inefficient, Latin.
Intelligent design and bees knees
God and Jesus, just sent him down for a laugh, not to start a religion
Moses and the burning bush - Moses probably should have left out that he was told something by a bush
Commandments and metal idols, only need one commandment - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Further problems with the whole flood drama: If you were Noah and there was a big fuck-off flood coming no one would need to tell you to build an arc. And he couldn't get two of everything - there are just to many animals! And theres another problem the tigers would have eaten everyone!
Jeshua, not Jesus...Jim and Bernie
Queen is spelled c-u-n-t.
Trolley, which is spaceship in your language, disguised as trucks.
Queen did nothing for 50 years, no original ideas, she wouldn't get reelected
Rich people and fox hunting, in league with chickens from WW1, using flamethrowers, most inefficient method, run and run and run and run and run...
Flies on the wall doing nothing
Spiders climb up and into your mouth and lay eggs and we all just know this
Stone age and fighting a bison
Wasps are pointless except for stinging children
Spartans: the men and women and children are all (woof sound). Dogs are also 'woof', cats are 'woof'. Even the sheep are attacked by dogs and shear themselves, throw coat at wolves...beginning of wolf in sheep's clothing
Spider in the bathroom...straight men and lesbians vs. Gay men and women... Bisexuals go "there's a spider in the bathroom and I'm going to go take care of it"
French/English, got rid of the 'vous'.
Americans said 'no king' and also no taxes and the rich people did their rich people dance.
10000 years and the first 5000 were the stone age, and the Jeff Age. No language, no religion
Before that monsters and god drawing crazy things
Why make the world in 6 days instead of all at once, you'll end up with small creatures following you going 'why?'. Eating good crumble. Badgers eat crumble?
Hunter and gatherers... Best gatherer in the world.
Overall a great show. I'm soooo glad he finally made it to the East Coast!!! But now I think I might have to see the show at least one more time. I laughed so much the muscles in my face ached.
It's late, so here a total stream on consciousness of everything we remembered from the show:
Evil ducks
Slaves in the bibli
Fly heaven and opening the window
Germans and their concentrated evil period
Plagues
Why there's no God or if there is, he's not listening (50000 people died of the plague between 1919 and 1930)
Elephants are made of squirrels and toasters
Xerxes is a good word for scrabble that you can't use and makes a nice segue to nothing
Eddie does a tiring mime and then calls Marcel Marceau to ask what was the most tiring mime he ever did. Tries in English and French, but there's no answer.
Hashashin, kit kat, ding dong of the doorbell, can you send Kev out?
Bees and bears are near each other in the dictionary
Hannibal and alps on elephants in Latin. So inefficient, Latin.
Intelligent design and bees knees
God and Jesus, just sent him down for a laugh, not to start a religion
Moses and the burning bush - Moses probably should have left out that he was told something by a bush
Commandments and metal idols, only need one commandment - Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
Further problems with the whole flood drama: If you were Noah and there was a big fuck-off flood coming no one would need to tell you to build an arc. And he couldn't get two of everything - there are just to many animals! And theres another problem the tigers would have eaten everyone!
Jeshua, not Jesus...Jim and Bernie
Queen is spelled c-u-n-t.
Trolley, which is spaceship in your language, disguised as trucks.
Queen did nothing for 50 years, no original ideas, she wouldn't get reelected
Rich people and fox hunting, in league with chickens from WW1, using flamethrowers, most inefficient method, run and run and run and run and run...
Flies on the wall doing nothing
Spiders climb up and into your mouth and lay eggs and we all just know this
Stone age and fighting a bison
Wasps are pointless except for stinging children
Spartans: the men and women and children are all (woof sound). Dogs are also 'woof', cats are 'woof'. Even the sheep are attacked by dogs and shear themselves, throw coat at wolves...beginning of wolf in sheep's clothing
Spider in the bathroom...straight men and lesbians vs. Gay men and women... Bisexuals go "there's a spider in the bathroom and I'm going to go take care of it"
French/English, got rid of the 'vous'.
Americans said 'no king' and also no taxes and the rich people did their rich people dance.
10000 years and the first 5000 were the stone age, and the Jeff Age. No language, no religion
Before that monsters and god drawing crazy things
Why make the world in 6 days instead of all at once, you'll end up with small creatures following you going 'why?'. Eating good crumble. Badgers eat crumble?
Hunter and gatherers... Best gatherer in the world.
Overall a great show. I'm soooo glad he finally made it to the East Coast!!! But now I think I might have to see the show at least one more time. I laughed so much the muscles in my face ached.
